Frozen: What if Oppenheimer directed it?
Elsa: “Do you wanna build… a bomb?” Forget snowflakes and catchy songs. Oppenheimer’s Frozen starts with Elsa whispering: “Now I am become frost, the destroyer of worlds.” Arendelle doesn’t get an eternal winter - it gets a nuclear winter. Olaf isn’t a snowman. He’s a Geiger counter that sings. Anna’s quest to save her sister? It’s a Cold War negotiation. The soundtrack? Not “Let It Go.” It’s “Contain the Core.” The climax isn’t Elsa embracing love. It’s Elsa pressing a red button while Kristoff screams: “Don’t do it!” The kingdom? Vaporized. The snow? Radioactive ash. The sequel? Canceled. Sometimes fairy tales don’t melt your heart. Sometimes they melt the planet.