Frozen: What if Oppenheimer directed it?

Elsa: “Do you wanna build… a bomb?”

Forget snowflakes and catchy songs.

Oppenheimer’s Frozen starts with Elsa whispering:

“Now I am become frost, the destroyer of worlds.”

Arendelle doesn’t get an eternal winter - it gets a nuclear winter.

Olaf isn’t a snowman. He’s a Geiger counter that sings.

Anna’s quest to save her sister? It’s a Cold War negotiation.

The soundtrack?

Not “Let It Go.”

It’s “Contain the Core.”

The climax isn’t Elsa embracing love.

It’s Elsa pressing a red button while Kristoff screams:

“Don’t do it!”

The kingdom? Vaporized.

The snow? Radioactive ash.

The sequel? Canceled.

Sometimes fairy tales don’t melt your heart.

Sometimes they melt the planet.